Time seems to be both flying by and moving at a snail pace.
I start college in less than 30 days, and that thought brings on a whirlwind of emotions–fear, excitement, hope, apprehension.
I’m not a planner by nature. I prefer to live life a little bit more on a whim. But, there was so much build-up of excitement for college that I had already started picking my dorm’s color palette a week after my acceptance letter came in. I was focused on college all through Senior year. This summer, I spent most of my time watching college vlogs and drinking up every article I could about surviving freshman year.
Somehow, I still feel wildly unprepared.
Thoughts and questions run rampant in my mind, and this is where time seems to be doing all too much and nothing at all. On one hand, I just want to go to college already. “Less than 30 days” still feels way too long, especially when I spend my days overanalyzing and making up scenarios in my head. There’s so much unknown about what to expect in college. I can’t ever know the answers until I finally get there.
“Less than 30 days” also feels entirely too short. I don’t feel quite ready for this new journey. I think I was eager to do all my “growing” this summer before I stepped foot on campus so I didn’t have to experience those infamous freshman year blunders.
I wanted to arrive already socially adept, charming my way through the social scene and finally feeling like I belonged somewhere. I wanted to have a mind that was already developed so I didn’t have to struggle my way through classes. I worry all the time that my affinity for non-challenging and fluffy young-adult books have put me steps behind my peers academically. I wanted to throw away my whole closet. Irrationally, I believed if I didn’t have a wardrobe made up of J.Crew and Vineyard Vines, nobody would respect my place in the Ivy League.
In a moment of clarity, I realized that all the fear and unnecessary expectations I’ve put on myself this summer is bullshit.
I’m here for adventure, not for a perfect path. The blunders will come, but more importantly, the successes will come too. My mom keeps reminding me that my happiness is inside me. I don’t need the perfect condition or the perfect environment to find peace within myself.
Where I’m going may not meet all of my lofty expectations, and that’s okay. I may not meet my own expectations, and that’s okay too. It’s how I handle these challenges that will really make or break my experience in college. I know that I’m in for the best 4 years of my life because it’s entirely up to me. I’m choosing not to worry anymore.
No, I’m not prepared for college because I can’t tell the future, but I am prepared to stop fearing the unknown and to face whatever is coming.
I can’t wait for the adventure I’m about to go on, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it.
You might have noticed that I have a new look! I changed my theme to something a little more functional and a little more me. My color palette is now navy blue, pink, and grey, and I’m totally feeling the preppy vibe! I think it’s perfect considering I’ll be moving up to the East Coast, a.k.a Prep Central.
I have also decided to discontinue newsletters for a little while and see how I like it. Anything that I’d share within the newsletters will now be on Macarons in the Morning! Normally, I’d write a more personal post like this one in the email. But, I think it’s much better to create our little community openly and I look forward to talking to you guys more on here. If you want to keep up with my posts, I suggest following me on Bloglovin or Twitter, where I let you guys know as soon as I hit publish!
Thanks for all your support lovelies, I hope you like my new look!